Men, Help Bring an Air of Respectability to Milwaukee: Work for AirTran

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When AirTran finally closes the deal for Midwest Airlines, it will be searching for employees who are able to work in a fast-paced, competitive environment. AirTran officials said potential employees are encouraged to joke around a bit, like when a supervisor dons a white hood and claims to be in the KKK. Men who work for the company can be assured that if they make advances on a female and she refuses, a bit of good-natured kicking to her posterior is completely acceptable. Men might also enjoy the perks of being able to simulate sex with female employees and passing nude photos around the workplace. Men can be assured that they will have a voice in the company, always being allowed to ask female employees to take pictures of their breasts.

If a male employee happens to get caught making sweet love to some airport floosie on his supervisor’s desk, he can rest assured that he will receive high-fives all around and no annoying reprimands. All told, a man’s wildest work fantasy can come true if he works for AirTran. The right man can proposition mothers and daughters who work for the company and surf for porn while at his terminal. Apply today! Our benefits package is right up front!

Ladies may also be interested in a high-flying career in entertaining male co-workers, with absolutely no room for promotion or complaint, akin to being married. Please send photo layout to AirTran.
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Young People Dispute Mayfair Rules, Scare Passers-by

A large number of mostly African-American youths gathered across the street from Mayfair Mall recently in order to protest the new rules at the mall, and to scare anyone who ventured too close to their “gang.” The mall has vowed to keep youngsters out of the mall because of increased crime when they are allowed in, but the protesters have deemed the rules as unnecessary. “What the mall needs to do is hire folks from the community to help control the children,” said one youth counselor. “Those kids trust us more than some cracka-ass security guard.”

Some of the youth held signs that read “Being young is not a crime,” while others made aggressive gestures with their hands at cars that drove by. At one point, a protester yelled, “Yeah, go into the mall with your mama!” at an SUV that was turning into the mall parking lot. After nearly an hour of protesting, a small contingent began a rap-battle, wherein youngsters lamented their not being allowed to congregate in the mall: “Yeah, yeah, I said the man got me down, the man got me down/ he think I be all clownin around/ like they gotsta mace me/ when I’s shoppin at Macy’s/ lookin fo my gat, lookin fo my gat/ Mr. Officer don’t know where it at/ so don’t mean-mug me, don’t gimme no smack/ or I’ll cap yo ass outside Janie and Jack./ And now it’s time to let us in, bitch/ Gotta get me some Abercrombie and Fitch.”

When the cameras from the local news outlets showed up, the youths who were gathered around the rap battlers all ran furiously towards the cameras and started jumping up and down behind one reporter. Leaders from such groups as the Urban Underground and the Running Rebels conducted interviews with local news reporters. When asked by Real Wisconsin News if they had any association with the Digital Underground or the Confederate Army, they seemed confused, and restated their talking points, namely that if the youth are not allowed in Mayfair, they will have no choice but to hang out on the streets and commit crimes. “Back when I was in high school,” said one leader, “I was able to hang out at Capitol Court, and then also at Northridge. We just want these young people to have the same opportunities we had back then.”